Every sober living home sounds structured on its own website. The phone call is where the real houses separate from the rooming houses — if you ask the right things and listen to how they answer. Here are the twelve, in calling order.
How to use this list
Call with it in front of you. A well-run house answers all twelve without hesitation, because the answers are just… how the house runs. Vagueness, offense, or “we can discuss that at move-in” are answers too — bad ones.
Safety & legitimacy (1–4)
- 1. Are you licensed — and will you show me? In New Jersey, cooperative sober living residences hold a Class F license. “What’s a license?” ends the call.
- 2. Who lives on site, and who answers at 2 a.m.? The right answer is a named role — a house manager with a room in the house — not an office number.
- 3. How does drug and alcohol screening work? Random, unannounced, with refusal counting as positive. A house that doesn’t screen can’t promise anyone a sober house.
- 4. What’s your relapse protocol, step by step? You want a calm, practiced answer: immediate response, care arranged, house informed appropriately. Improvisation here means chaos later.
Structure & accountability (5–8)
- 5. What does a typical weekday look like? Wake-ups, chores, work, meetings, curfew — if they can’t narrate a day, there isn’t a program.
- 6. What are the meeting requirements, and how are they verified? Three a week is a common floor. “Verified how?” is the half that matters.
- 7. What’s the curfew, and how does it flex for work? Real houses hold curfew firmly and accommodate documented shifts. Either half missing is a flag.
- 8. What are the work/school requirements? Enrollment or employment within 30 days is standard — purpose is part of the program.
Money & policies (9–12)
- 9. What exactly does the weekly rate include — in writing? Bed, utilities, laundry, Wi-Fi, program. “Plus fees” houses reveal themselves right here.
- 10. What’s your medication policy? The defensible answer is disclosure at intake and secure storage — not a shrug, and not rules nobody enforces.
- 11. What happens if I fall a week behind on rent? You’re listening for a process — early conversation, payment plan — not either “no problem” (they don’t enforce anything) or instant eviction.
- 12. Can I talk to a current or former resident? Houses that are proud of their culture find a way to say yes.
Listen for how, not just what
The pattern across all twelve: good operators have practiced answers because the questions describe their daily reality. You’re not auditing paperwork on this call — you’re sampling the honesty you’ll live with for six months. Trust the sample.
